Raising the Boys

Unless one has had children she can’t know the joy that comes from having a family. Along with these joys came challenges too, but for me, the joys far outweigh the challenges.

Our boys came along pretty fast, although we had been married 4 ½ years before our first was born. I had a miscarriage in 1948 when we were seniors in college, and we were both sorry to lose the baby. My doctor was afraid it had been a tubal pregnancy. They did exploratory surgery, but that wasn’t the case. I was out of school for several weeks but still make it to graduation.

We moved from Albuquerque to Phoenix in 1950 after Jim’s first promotion with GMAC, and soon after we moved I became pregnant. James Bruce (Jimmy in early years) was born January 13 1951. After that the boys were born pretty close together  - Jay Michael on October 2, 1952, Mark Randall on February 14, 1954, and Lee Roy Franklin on November 9, 1956. Even thought the dates are not exactly 18 months, when some on asks about the dates, I just round it off to that time. 

The first challenge came along with the joy of having a big (8lb 14 oz) baby boy. Jimmy had colic, and it seemed nothing I could do would soothe him. I’d walk the floors with him, feed him, and rock him. Then when Jim came home from work and I handed the baby to him, he immediately would calm down and go to sleep in his arms. This went on for about 3 months but finally things straightened out. Another challenge came when Jimmy was about 7 or 8 months old. He would cry and cry when we put him to bed, and would not settle down. We’d pat him, pick him up for a while, put him down again, and he’d break out crying again. Finally our next-door neighbor, having heard the crying each night, suggested we let him cry it out. We tried this and after 2 or 3 nights, he when right off to sleep.

The next challenge came when Jay was born. No one told me for a while what I had, girl or boy, and then they didn’t bring him to me till the next morning. It turned out that he had come so quickly and had such broad shoulders, that his collarbone was broken. They had it all bandaged up when the nurse brought him to me, but again, there was that wonderful joy of having a big (9 lb) baby boy. At 6 weeks old, when we went to the doctor, his collarbone was completely healed.

We thought we had prepared Jimmy for the new baby, but he began to throw little tantrums when something didn’t go his way – and especially when I was busy with Jay. Rather than scold him or spank him, I’d just walk out of the room and let him carry on. Those episodes soon stopped.

The next promotion and move came in November 1952, when Jay was not quite 2 months old. We make the trip to El Paso Texas, with Jimmy, 22 months old, Jay the baby, and a cocker spaniel puppy, newly acquired. Jim had rented a house for us. GMAC, fortunately, packed for me, moved us and unpacked everything in the new place. 

Christmas was near, so I found the decoration and put up a tree. Jim hadn’t connected the clothes dryer yet, so I was hanging lots of diapers out each day. When I can back in the house, I discovered the tree turned over, and many of the little glass ornaments broken. Now, who was I going to blame – the dog Taffy or the 23-month-old toddler? I cleaned up the glass and when Jim came home, we put the tree up again, but this time in the playpen!

We bought a new house on Honeysuckle Drive, moved and I soon found out I was pregnant. (We went by the house this year  - 2011 – and it looks very much the same.) We finally made friends with a number of young couples at church (congregation of 500), and when I was about due, the ladies at church gave me a shower. I received over 30 dresses and frilly outfits. They were all hoping I’d have a girl.

We were invited to a bridge party on February 13, 1954, but about 10:00 or so, I began to feel funny, called my doctor and he said to head for the hospital. Mark was born at 12:30 am on February 14, weighing in at 9 lb. 6 oz.  So – here was another healthy baby, a real joy and my Valentine all of his life.

Jim again received a promotion and we moved to Denver, Colorado in the fall of 1954. We rented a house in a suburb of Denver, Englewood, and settled in with our 3 boys. It snowed and the boys were so excited having never seen snow. I bundled them up in snow suits (given to us by church members whose children has outgrown them) and we went out to play. I have a picture of us in the driveway, with me pulling them on a sled. Fun!

Jim’s mother came to visit us in February (she was still working) and on Mark’s one-year birthday, she got to see him take his first steps – a joy for all of us. We have a picture of him walking towards her with her arms out to catch him.

We moved to a rent house on Dale Ct in Denver and the boys had fun riding tricycles on a big concrete patio which covered a double car garage.

Not too long after we moved, I was again pregnant. As winter 1955 approached, I did a lot of shoveling snow so the boys could play out on that big patio. On November 9, we had quite a big snow and that caused things to happen pretty fast. We make it to the hospital ( I had called Jim from work) and Lee was born at 12:30 pm, weighing 8lb 13 oz. I called my mother soon after he was born and she was on her way to help with the new baby. Now we had a wonderful family of four healthy boys. The challenge was to raise them to become good Christians, good citizens, and kind and caring individuals.

We had a lot of help along the way in raising these boys. They were all active in sports at one time or another, and for the most part their coaches were good Christian examples in their coaching. Jay, especially, had a football coach in junior high who helped Jay and really brought him along in many ways.

There were also some good Bible School teachers who helped mold the boys’ characters. I’m thinking especially of a teacher of Jimmy’s in Denver who would tell me how much she appreciated him, and what a good example he was in class.

The boys were all baptized in their early teens ( I think Mark was the youngest when baptized, and Lee was the oldest.)

The boys also displayed roles of leadership and good citizenship at an early age. Even in elementary school in Denver, the boys were looked up to. When we moved to Kansas City, Mark’s 5^th grade class had a party for him, and presented him with a very nice watch. In junior high in their Raytown School District, Jay was elected Student Body President and Mark was elected the Vice President.

Jim (Jr.) had begun his interest in music when he was about six. I started to give him piano lessons but soon realized he really had a musical talent and ear for music, so I obtained a very good teacher who had been recommended. He was chosen to sing in the Denver All 6^th Grade Choir (a few from each school) and I ran across the records of this not long ago.

Now I must tell you that these boys were not perfect. They had their spats and my way of dealing with those was a spanking when they were little. As they grew older, I’d send them to separate rooms, and when they decided they could get along, they could come out. Jim’s method was a little different. When they were fairly young, he bought 2 pairs of boxing gloves and had them “duke” it out in the basement. (I didn’t want to watch!)I think they learned rather quickly that the spats were not worth it.

If something more serious happened, Jim took care of it another way and we might have been arrested (in later years) for child and endangerment. I can remember one instance that caused “Granny Great” to shed tears. We were visiting her in K.C. and Lee must have been around 5 or so. Jim’s mother had fixed a good dinner, and it included an eggplant casserole. Our policy was that the boys would eat one teaspoon of any dish on the table. If they didn’t like it, they didn’t have to eat anymore of it. Lee decided he didn’t want to eat the bite Jim had put on his plate, so Jim took him to the bedroom and we could hear the spanking. They came out, but Lee was still not going to eat the bite. So – back he and his dad went to the bedroom. This happened three times. After the second time, Jim’s mother had tears running down her cheeks. I can’t remember exactly how it all ended but I do remember Lee sitting at the table for a long, long time.

Later as the boys became adults and as they were married, we’d be sitting around the table and the boys would begin to reminisce about their growing-up years. Incidents would come up that Jim and I had no idea had happened, and they were quite the eye-openers.

So – as you can see (yes, I admit I am prejudiced) our boys were regular boys and had their very good traits, but also had a ways to go as they were growing up.

My challenge, as they were growing up was to raise them to be independent and not be attached to my “apron springs.” There’s a fine line between this independence, and not causing them to be to distant from their mother. I don’t really know whether I accomplished this balance, but for the most part, I guess I did. Someone asked me one time how it felt to be this “queen bee” in the house with these boys and a husband, and my reply was, “It feels wonderful!” I give a lot of credit to Jim, Sr. because he has always treated me with a great deal of love and respect.

As the boys grew older, they knew that college was in their future. It just happened that Jim, Jr., because his two front teeth protruded had braces before we left Denver, and the orthodontist was a great person to talk to Jim and tell him just what he was doing. So – the boys got the idea that they would all be dentists, form the Trotter Dental Clinic, and each do a different branch of dentistry.  This never came to pass but it pointed them for sure to college and beyond.

The college Jim, Jr and we chose was Harding University (College at that time) and the boys each followed Jim there. The challenge was to pay for college, as several would be there at the same time. The boys worked many jobs as they were growing up and each summer, as they were in college. They sold Bibles and religious materials in the south. This helped tremendously with expenses. The professors and atmosphere at Harding were a good influence on our boys, as it gave them a few more years to strengthen their Christian values.

I’ll write more of later years in another chapter, but these years, from boys’ birth till they left home were entirely too short. I look back on those years with a great deal of joy and bselieve we met most of the challenges in a good way.

Education Through the Years

Jim and I have had a varied education, both in the classroom and outside the classroom. However, this chapter will deal mainly with our formal education.

Jim grew up in Gallatin, Missouri and had his first twelve years of schooling in Gallatin. He was a good student, studied hard, and teacher liked him because of those traits. He graduated high school in 1941.

           

He received a scholarship to Wichita State in Wichita, Kansas, and this was fortunate because he had a cousin living there who offered him housing. Since his cousin also ran a Western Auto Store, he hired Jim, which helped with his expenses.

His schooling was interrupted when he enlisted in the V-5 program of the Naval Air Corps. He spent time in training but became ill with pneumonia and tuberculosis and was given medical discharge.

Now he had the “G.I. Bill” for his service and entered Missouri University in the fall of 1944.

With the interruption of TB again, he graduated from the University of New Mexico in May 1948 with a degree from the School of Business in accounting.

My education began very early in life. Since I was an only child, my mother had time to read to me and by the age of 2 or 2 ½, I was reciting most of the Mother Goose rhymes. (I don’t remember this but relatives tell me that at a picnic in Junction City, KS, my mother stood me up on the table and I recited many rhymes and I was about 2 years old.)

I entered kindergarten at Askew School in Kansas City and loved school from the very beginning. At a spring PTA meeting, my teacher had me memorize a little storybook, and while 2 of my classmates rolled a holder with butcher paper illustrating the book. I recited the story along with the pictures.

We moved to Columbia, Missouri in June of 1931, where my dad had interviewed at Missouri University and was successful in getting the job as Chief Engineer at the power plant. (Remember this was in the midst of the depression and he was thrilled to get the job at $1800 a year.)

I entered Grant Elementary School – in 1^st Grade and my teacher Mrs. Whitmore, was a lovely lady – stately and very pretty. A few days into the year, she set up the board with the letters of the alphabet – Aa, Bb, Cc, etc. I guess I raised my hand and Mrs. Whitemore called on me. I told her I could already read.  I don’t remember her exact reaction, but she asked me to come up to her desk, handed me a book and asked me to read it, which I did.  (Many years later, as I was a teacher, I realized how smart she was.) Instead of having me sit at my desk, bored, she often asked me to go help someone who was struggling with reading.

In the summer of 1935, my dad decided he wanted to own some land, so he bought 40 acres east of Columbia about 5 miles (its all built up now) and we moved to the country.

I entered fifth grad at this little country school, one teacher, Mrs. Walker, about 40 students. A typical schedule was as followed – teacher would have one class up in front – go over their lesson and give them their assignment – then the next class would come to the front. Thinking back, I must have been a real nuisance because when Mrs. W would ask a question of the class in front, if I knew the answer, I’d wave my hand and want to answer. Another incident could have had my classmates turn against me. There was a little stream running through the school property, and someone would say, “Let’s go down to the crick.” Well, I’d heard this just about enough so I said to them, “It’s not crick, it’s creek.” And ever spelled it out for them. It’s a wonder they didn’t throw me in the creek.

During the Christmas break a change was coming in my scholarship. My dad arranged for me to take the Stanford – Benet IQ test. I don’t think that was part of qualifying for entering the laboratory school of M.U., but maybe my dad had talked to Dr. Gorman, principal, and they decided it would take it. When Dr Gorman called my dad to give him the results, my dad told my mother and they told me. Because of this rather high score, my dad and mother instilled in me the concept that I could to most anything I set my mind to.

When I entered the lab school for the second semester of fifth grade, I was now in an entirely different mode of learning. Mrs. Farthing believed in group projects, so right away, I was on a project where we were constructing a map of South America with its mountains, river, etc – quite a change from just sitting at your desk and doing your assignment.

Those years at the lab school, 5^th through graduation from high school, where very good for me. We started French in 5^th grade and I continued with French through high school. Someone discovered I had an ear for music and started me on bass violin  in 5^th grade. I switched to the viola in 7^th grade, because I had almost made up my mind by then that I would concentrate on music.

I sang in many ensembles, and had the lead in several musical productions including “Pirates of Penzance.”

As we neared the end of high school in 1943, we had entered World War II, and many students were anxious to get on with their lives. Because of this, two bright students, and boy and a girl, were allowed to moved from junior status, to seniors. Now Max Threuholme and I had gone back and forth in our ranking of #1 and #2 but when the two students came up to be in our class, they bested both of us with their grade point average ad were designated #1 and #2.

I received a scholarship to Stephens College, a 2 year girls school in Columbia, and was thrilled to get it. Tuition at that time was $2000 a year and my parents would not have been able to afford that.

Our classes were small – 16 to 18, and I was able to take lots of music – viola, piano, voice – the symphony orchestra and two different singing groups. Our Sunrise choir was composed of 12 girls, sang each Sunday morning on the radio (no TV yet.)

I graduated from Stephens in 1945, spent the summer in Pittsburg, KS, where my parents had moved that summer. I had become engaged to Jim (more about us in another chapter) in the spring of 1945. Jim had taken a summer job at Lassen Volcanic National Park, so in addition to writing him every day (he wrote me every day, too) I worked at the telephone switchboard at Pittsburg State University where my dad was chief engineer and supervisor of buildings and grounds. Jim and I returned to M.U. in the fall of 1945 where I continued with my major in Music Education.

During the first semester Jim and I were awarded several honors – you have to realize this seemed very important to us at the time, but in the grand theme of things, it too its place as not quite so important.  Jim was inducted into a male organization called “Meptical Seven,” which was an honor. I was named to Mortar Board, a girls’ national organizations of ten girls from our campus. We were chosen for our qualities of leadership, scholarship, and character. I was also named to Sigma Alpha Iota, a national music honorary and was also chosen at the U of New Mexico to lead our chorus. I also became a member of the National Honorary Education fraternity. I have ben active in S.A.I alumnae group in several places where we’ve lied, and have also been active in the American Association of University Women, attending a national convention for both AAUW and SAI. These organizations have allowed me to remain active with music groups and women with degrees, where we try to encourage high school girls to pursue college degrees by awarding college scholarships.

Jim became ill again, so spend the second semester recovering, as we were getting married in June 1946. My parents were not too happy about us marrying before we finished college, but I promised I would finish school, and they approved of Jim.

We were married on June 4, 1946, spent several days on our honeymoon and then traveled back to Pittsburgh. My parents drove us to Albuquerque, N.M. where we had been accepted as transfer students. Doctors thought that the dry air would be good for Jim.

We had trouble finding a place to live, finally subletting an apartment for te summer. We found a re-modeled garage down in the valley and entered U of NM in the fall. We each lost quite a few credits in the transfer, so each had to go an extra semester to graduate. We were living on the “GI Bill” – about $160 a month – so on the off semester, one worked while the other went to school.

Jim and I had a class together, but we don’t talk much about it. It was part of my English minor, so I had the advantage and I graduated 2^nd in the School of Education.

We graduated in May 1948, and that was the end of Jim’s formal schooling. However, I needed hours for a major in English Education so I attended U of MO, Kansas City where I received my master’s degree in May 1974.

Thus ended our years of formal schooling. However we hope we are learning something new everyday as life goes on.